#J0ds

Salam, I actually made a post early this month lepas tu I reverted to draft sebab nak edit (or so I thought) rupanya hilang teruih wkwkwkwk whateverlah. It's almost middle january now, I am still adjusting to writing 2019 on my notes hahaha adoilah what is time.

So the other day I saw a post on Tumblr regarding finding 'the one'. Basically the post was talking about how we shouldn't worry because the 'one' will always find their way to us, to not settle for a 6 when a 10 is waiting for us, to not settle down just because everyone else is doing so and, basically, a very comforting post in generallah. And then, there was extra commentary on the post, and it basically said, the reason why some people still fear is because of the promise that 'everyone will find someone' because deep down people know it is not necessarily true. Kan.

My mom told me the same thing the other day, 'macam mana kalau takde?' sebab benda tu bukan tersurat untuk semua orang. Macam mana kalau, having a spouse and children is just not your rezeki? What you gon do about it boo? Slam against a wall and die? And it really hit me, aahla kan. Some people die single, and as much as that thought makes me want to curl myself into a ball and gently rock myself back and forth because it is soo...bizzare TO ME because there's nothing more I want than children! I especially want children and not being able to have my own - omg just thinking about it makes me want to scream but what if itu bukan rezeki kau, binch?? Kau nak cakap pe?? And scene.

Tapi kita ada Tuhan yang Maha Memberi, and Maha Mendengar. And He acts in accordance to what we think of Him. So if you put your mind to it, and work towards it, mintak betul2 kat Dia, Dia akan beri. I'm telling this to myself, and to you. All the while, keeping in mind that, He loves you, and will work in your favour. Kalau dia bagi, alhamdulillah. Kalau tak bagi pun alhamdulillah because that's best for you. Believe it. Unshaken faith is honestly all we need, and I pray that myself and you reading this have tons and tons of it, at all times. Sumpah kene sado sebab benda ni sensitif, dan bila isu sensitif macam ni, iman kena mantop. Susah beb susah I'm struggling with it too, tapi aku percaya kita boleh.

Meanwhile, hiduplah semaksima mungkin. Lagi satu aku tak puas hati kau tahu sebab apa benda ni jadi sensitif dan perempuan2 menjadi risau? Sebab masyarakat terutama onion2 yang meletakkan worth seorang perempuan pada kebolehannya mendapatkan pasangan hidup which is so ugh. So remember that, look into yourself, tah2 kau lek je tapi sebab pressure dari luar ataupun takut dilabel tak laku (please) kau jadi cenggini. Again, i know it's hard. Mungkin kena pindah negara2 lain yang masyarakatnya kurang onion. Sekadar pendapat.

Another important point is that we're so fixated on happy ever afters and forevers that we forget the essence of this world is temporariness. Everything is lent to us, and something yang bersifat pinjaman hukumnya kena bagi balik kepada pemilik asal. Kita selalu lupa semua tu. Sebab tu bila tak jadi kita frust menonggeng, and we keep asking ourselves these crazy questions on why things don't last, and we blame ourselves, and blame others, and overanalyze that shit when all it compels you to do is to move on. It ended. There is nothing more to it.

God knows what's there for us in the future. Semoga kita semua kuat menghadapi. Letak dunia dalam tangan je, jangan dalam hati. When it's 'destroyed' we can build it again. Kalau dalam hati kena buat operation pulak, risiko banyak pulak, leceh. Bye