Jangan terbuduh kerana juduh

Saja je letak tajuk gitu sebab asalnya nak letak 'juduh' je tetiba terpikir the word 'buduh' maka terhasillah statement seperti di atas. Padahal content mungkin takde kaitan. Ahaha.

Tahla tiba-tiba teringat one night after I finished my shift - I was working at a coffee shop in the city at the time and I stopped to buy my dinner before heading home at this burger stall. I think I've seen the stall quite a number of times but I usually get mine from a different one, malam tu tergerak hati nak try yang abang sorang ni punya. When I approached him, he was a man in his 30s, probably late 30s. Very lean, specky, kopiah on his head. He was chatty from first meet. And tak tau macam mana boleh masuk pasal cite jodoh. Maybe he was asking me the usual, dah berkeluarga ke belum etc. And maybe I answered with, yknow, yang kita selalu jawab. Belom, doakan - added with: jodoh sesat etc etc for humour and berbasa-basi. Hahaha. And then he said something: jodoh jangan cari dik. And that kinda struck me. I asked him to clarify; oh, jangan cari eh? And he said yup. I think he said something like; jodoh ni something yang kita takyah go out of our way la to find. Gitu maksud dia. Almost like dia akan datang sendiri.

Tapi tu la aku dibesarkan dengan idea kita kena usaha dalam segenap aspek, including cari jodoh. Doa tu tetap doa la, I'm sure abang ni maksudkan tak cari as in literally.

Kadang-kadang I teringat la jugak apa dia cakap tu. Pastu bila pikir-pikir balik with all the friends from the opposite sex I have throughout the years, I can categorize them. Ada yang aku minat tak minat aku. Ada yang minat aku, aku tak minat dia. Ada yang main usik2 (read: flirt) tapi tak confess2. And tbh? Being friends with the opposite sex does have its price. Sometimes a whole lot, sometimes a little. Depends. Tapi ada jugak category yang memang #brosforlife as in tak mungkin. Yall know memang tak mungkin akan bersama git0h. And category ni kau leh lek2 sikit. Actually semua pun kena wat lek tapi kita manusia en. Kadang2 terciduk. Kadang2 takde feeling tapi eh tetiba tersuka.

And I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of the talking stage, of getting to know people. I'm tired of navigating through my feelings. Tired of drawing lines, of engaging, of disengaging. Tired of tip-toeing, wading through. It's not that deep, but it is that deep. Especially if you're 26 and single and looking. You feel me?

So bila aku teringat statement tu, aku boleh kaitkan dengan keadaan aku ni. Apa yang aku dah buat, you name it. I was the shy type. Tak berapa nak kawan dengan lelaki zaman sekolah dulu, at least not in real life sebab malu sangat3. I did talk to 1-2 guys post-SPM/asasi tapi gitu2 je. Tau2 masing2 bawak diri. Early 20s dah start rilek. Went into my first serious relationship. Didn't work. This is getting quite personal but I just want to say that I've been them all. I've been the shy one, and I've been the going out one. And kalau Allah kata bukan jodoh? Tetap bukan jodoh. So why bother.

Tapi aku ada jugak pemikiran camni - at least I try. At least kalau tak jadi pun Allah akan reward aku dengan jodoh sebab aku cuba untuk kenal dengan orang. Kalau bukan dengan dia pun, dengan orang lain.

Aku pun tak tau apa konklusi post ni. Korang pikirla sendiri. Mungkin ada benarnya apa yang abang burger tu cakap. Dan mungkin ada benarnya juga kalau kita nak berjodoh kita kena kenal dengan orang. Tak bolehla reclusive? Pastu ko ingat jodoh kau turun dari langit? Ayah Pin much?

Tepuk dada tanya selera. Dia bukan one size fits all. Semua ada kisah bertemu jodoh masing2 yang unik.

Aku rasa yang paling paling penting which aku selalu jugak terlupa is to take care of the batas. And I think the limit is also up to you. You know yourself better.

Yang belum bertemu jodoh tu selamatlah mencari (or not, up to you). Yang aku tau aku penat. Hahaha