Sundays

There's something about Sundays that feel exceptionally heavy... I read a nice little quote about how Sundays be like dat but I can't remember it.

This morning I knew I wasn't gonna do much if I stayed in the room and I had a thought to go to Caffe Benne and study over there (the hot chocolate is really good, tapi sikit for the price) because I noticed being in my room makes me feel so lonely and it just drags me down. People often say how jealous they are that I have a room all to myself and I want to tell them most days it's actually very distressing. Alhamdulillah I get to sleep at the time I want but tbh that's just about it. But because sleep is such an integral component I had to move. But, ini la resultnya. Nights just slide by sometimes. And Sundays, dam Sundays feel like literal sh!t. I didn't go out because I'm kinda tight on my budget now so the thought of driving to town, parking berapa ringgit, hot choc dah berapa ringgit?? Hujung bulan cenggini terpaksa la layan ko punya down sorang2. See, money can buy temporary happiness wat.

There's also other stuff that's bothering me but sadly I can't talk about it on here, can't even talk about it on Tumblr, can't even tell my closest friends. I like to vent so the concept feels foreign to me, but this is how I learn I guess. That's life.

A lot of bad things happened the past two weeks, the killings in Christchurch were the biggest. The tragedy affected me in all sorts of ways.

Lately ni banyak terpikir pasal mati. Kadang2 kalau duduk berteleku sorang2 terpikir, wow, esok tak terjamin. If we really really think about it memang skeri. Hatta the next second pun tak dijanjikan untuk kau. That's just wild. And I'm supposed to just live with that? I have to, I guess. Pastu sedey. Sebab ada beberapa target duniawi yang nak achieve sebelum mati. Takut pun ada, of the uncertainty of what's gonna happen. Sorang2 dalam tu, yang lain semua muvon. Nyaaaaaaaaa. Skeri siak.

I really want to sayang my time more. I really do. Tapi sosmed is such a pengacau. Banyak kali aku nak delete and just maintain my tumblr bc it's dry, nothing much happens and I go on there to distract myself healthily and to vent. But twitter and Ig... ok Ig aku boleh control, I've taken long breaks on Ig and aku takdela addicted sangat, after a while scroll2 gambar dia jadi bosan bagi aku. But twisdur is addicting. The reason I deleted my twitter (I made one after SPM and deleted before masuk asasi) was because I didn't want it to disturb my studies cos I would refresh and refresh. Tu la skang aku selalu delete app twitter tu daripada handphone. Tapi kalau rasa nak bukak, bukak jugak dekat browser. Sama je cuma kurang user friendly so mungkin time spent tak berapa banyak? (ye ar 2)

Dahla nak lipat kain n tid0. 3rd week of posting sudah. 😪 baru tau Blogger ada emoji. So kiul.