Lessons from T

Just got back from KL, arrived this afternoon. Took a nap, went to the shopping mall because I was craving for Shihlin. Doesn't taste the same like when I had it for the first time. This is my third time. The second time was the worst though. This one slightly improved, but not like the first. I wonder if it was just me tasting the chicken for the first time and getting all excited and now it's the same but the hype died down. Anyways. Bought sushi and boba tea too. Had to force myself to finish them all because I got bloated mid-way and my appetite died down. Right now it's slightly past 11pm. The weather is so hot it's not even funny. Already missing my mom and dad. Sundays always like this la. Hahahaha. So compelling to blog. I want to talk about a new friend I made, let's call her T.

T is my neighbour on the block. We bonded over a kitten lol. We both feed her and one time I think I was attending to the cat and she approached me. I've always noticed T but we've never really spoken to each other. I guess you can say Mod (the cat) brought us together. One day T asked if I wanted to go out for dinner and I said yes. We had an amazing conversation. Now, I'm not one to talk about my personal life with people I just met. But I trust T, because she seems like such a wise person mashaAllah. Throughout our conversation the theme was God. Again and again and again. It put me in so much awe.

I can't post the whole conversation on here, but for my own sake and maybe for you as well reading this (kalau ada yang baca, hahaha) I'm going to share some unforgettable gems from her.

The first thing that resonated so much with me was, she talked about people who find solace online. (@ me, sis) She said people who spend so much time online to look for happiness, don't they know that the ones giving them happiness have a hole inside them as well? Like you must be joking if you think these people who are only here to distract themselves can give you what you need. At this moment I was ScREamIng. She said what makes you different from them? They're looking to fill a void, you're looking to fill a void. And there you go, elok sangat la. And then I deduced myself - the outcome - of course isn't going to be very pretty. You're asking for help from those who need healing as well. Both of you will never heal this way. Masa tu rasa macam, ya Allah apa yang Kau nak bagitau aku ni. Mampu geleng2 kepala je.

The second thing I remember, was her telling me about how Allah SWT is free from needs. Nak mintak pada manusia, manusia pun banyak masalah sendiri. Kalau boleh tolong depa tolong. Tapi bukan selalu. Tapi kalau mintak pada Allah SWT yang tidak punya apa2 keinginan/kemahuan, nescaya Allah SWT akan beri. Dan Dia akan beri melalui manusia2. Tapi angkat tangan dan mintak pada Dia, instead of straightaway going to other people.

Lagi satu pesanan dia, pasal Qur'an. Aku kagum dengan dia, sebab dia akan take time baca Qur'an sebab dia baca terjemahan sekali which aku dah jarang2 buat sekarang. Nak baca the arabic text itself pun ralat, inikan nak baca terjemahan. But she said that when we pray, we're talking to God. But when we read the Qur'an, God is talking back to us. So prayers and reading and understanding the Qur'an has to go hand in hand; they complement each other. MashaAllah.

She shared so many other things, it was basically a session of us spilling our hearts to each other. As a result we both became very subdued when we arrived at the mahallah which I don't know is a good or a bad thing lol.

I think one last thing I will always remember is she reminded me that Allah SWT will handle things. In due time. She told me to just leave it to Him to settle. And she said that it's hard. It's really hard. To talk is easy. But doing it, to be patient for His sake, to carry on forward despite the war unfolding in your heart, hanya yang melaluinya sahaja yang tahu.

That night, my heart was full and content. I am so thankful to Allah SWT for letting her into my life, for letting that night happen.

In the events that unfolded, I have newfound appreciation for my parents and my brother, newfound love for my friends, my mind isn't clouded anymore and my heart, my heart walaupun sedih and down kadang2 sampai rasa malas dah nak sedih, my heart is still beating.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.